My Secret Life

I have secrets.  Lots of them.  Some are mine.  Most are the secrets of others.  My friends.

I love that I have some secrets that only one or two people know about.  I love that I found people that I believed that I could trust enough to allow me to open my heart and soul a bit.  It wasn't easy.  In fact it was quite hard.  But, it kind of felt right.  So I did. 

As I've said before, people like to share with me.  Share things about themselves nobody knows.  Or very few people know.

Some people I barely know.  Some I get to know quite well.  

I listen.  I let them talk.  Let them get it out.  I empathize the best I can.  Often I don't know what to say.  I don't have the words in my head to make it right.  I'm a fixer.  I want to fix things.  I want people to be okay.  I want them to be better than okay. I want them to be great.  Because, you know, it's the holding of your own secrets that will bring you down in then end.  It's a bit freeing to let others know your secrets.  It releases the demons a bit.  To get out.  Of your head.  To get out. Of your spirit.

I'm struggling to find the right things to say to people lately when we talk about their secrets.  All I can seem to say is, "I don't know what to say".  That's so frustrating because it surely is not helpful in any manner.  But, I hope just being a friend.  Listening.  Caring. Being.  Is helping in some way.  However little that may be. I try to make them laugh.  I'm not sure if that's being insensitive, but I want them to see that they can still smile.  Through the tears a smile can be a bit of a release.

Sometimes we laugh at the craziness of what's in the secret.  Because some of them are just so painful that it just doesn't seem fair.  So, we laugh.  It may not solve the problem.  But, maybe, perhaps it will help ease the pain.  If only for the time it takes for the smile to disappear. 

But, secrets don't always have to be bad.  Some can be quite good.  Some can be a bit juicy.  Some can be friggin' amazing!  I have these secrets too.  These are kind of fun to keep.  But, they make me burst at the seams too.

I've held one for awhile.  I was honored to have her share it with me.  I had such a blast giggling about it with her when she told me.  But, hot damn..... I wanted to tell EVERYONE.  But, I didn't.  Nope.  No big whoop, she's just in the 2012 Weight Watchers "Believe" campaign.  

How kewl is this?!?!?  Come on!  Not only did Suzi just friggin' kill it by being uber awesome and losing the weight, she also went on Oprah, and now is in a national commercial with Jennifer Hudson.  Seriously?  Who gets to be this awesome?  Well, Suzi does.  I'm so happy for her I cannot even begin to tell you.  What exciting things lie ahead for her.  But, no matter what.  No matter the kewl places she gets to go and the kewl things she gets to do what matters most is that the most awesome thing is HER.  She worked hard to make herself a better being.    In the end that's the best cherry on the cake.  Evah.  And, that, my friends, is no damn secret. 

I've had people tell me who they are secretly dating.  I love these.  I love it because I can feel their excitement when they talk about it.  I can feel their energy. It's fun energy to feel.  I love to giggle with them when they tell me stories that make them so happy. It makes me happy too.  These are the secrets I want to share, because they are happy secrets.  But, I don't.  I love to ask questions.  With these secrets I have tons of questions.  Fun ones.  Giggle worthy ones.  Ahhhh, I love secrets. 

Late last night I got a ping from an unexpected friend.  Someone I don't hear from often.  So, I knew something was up.   When he started dating his current girlfriend I was one of the few who knew.  Mainly because I was there the moment they met.  Because he is a bit internet famous he didn't want to publicly announce the relationship.  However, he told me.  It was such a fun and fabulous secret to keep.  I loved that he could talk to me about it and get all giddy.  I loved that when he referred to her publicly without naming her that I knew who she was.  I smiled big when he finally revealed her to his followers.  So, last night... I knew something was up.  He said he was sending me a file. I was about to ask if it was a wedding invitation. Because, well, I was joking.  Instead, I got  this:

Now, if you are a doode, you may not understand this picture right way.  But, as a chick I jumped off my chair and screamed.  Then wrote back, "omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg"  It may have been a few more times than that.  So, yes, this initial secret relationship had now become an engagement.  Wow.  Apparently they laughed at me a lot over my excitement.  But, I'm sorry, I'm a sucker for a happy ending. And, I was tickled pink that they shared this with me.  Sure, he blogged about it and sent it into the interwebs a few minutes later.  But, for a few minutes I held onto that secret.  I jumped around and screamed and looked like a real crazy person.  A crazy person with a wonderful secret.  

So....... who's got a secret for me?  Come on.  I'm good for it.  Give me a good one.  And, maybe. Oh, just maybe, I'll give you one of mine. 

Well, okay, I'll give you one right now.  I ran.  In the last week I ran.  Twice.  Both by mistake.  It felt a little awesome. 

Shhhhh..... don't tell anybody.  It'll be our little secret.