GOAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday.  One of those ones you hope you never have again.  Ever. I'm trying to think how I can make the next day better. Or the next day.  Or maybe a day in two weeks.  So... I'm thinking forward.  Hoping.  Forward.

Last year as the New Year turned I had resolutions.  A bit bizarre perhaps.  But, something to work on.   Goals to obtain.  Get to getting on.  For me.  I was in full force at the start of the year.  But, unfortunately as life, and my injury, got in the way, so did my desire to work on me.  

I just wandered into 2012.  No, big excitement.  No energy for something to look forward to.  Nothing. It just came.  I was doing laundry. It came while I was doing laundry.     

In 2011 I ran 513 miles, rode 542 miles, and swam 21 miles.  Before my body sadly gave out on me.  Compared to some of you this is nothing.  But, for me it's the most I've done, well as an old fart anyway.   I hope I can get better and improve upon that, and me, in 2012.   And, please, oh please.... stay injury free.

I need to have something to get me moving.  Each day.  Mind, body, spirit.  Life.  I need goals.  At this point my only goal is to get to tomorrow.  I need more than that. I need to be more than that.  I need to get out of this fucking boot. I need someone to scream at me to move.  With my life. 

I could use this once in awhile. 

I really want to maybe see if I can get through a triathlon this year.  Not sure if that's in me.  But, I have the urge to see if I can.  After seeing the SheRox Naperville one last summer (and stalking Ashleigh ) I kind of got the urge.  But, perhaps do it as a relay as Sara (bike) , Lisa. (run), and I (swim) had discussed.  We might be a bit whacky in our thoughts.  But..... we think we could possibly place... and actually win it.  I know, we are crazy for thinking it.  But, wouldn't that be fun?  I could use a bit of being awesome.   Then perhaps a triathlon on my own?  Perhaps.

As far as running.  I have some spring races in mind.  Not sure what really.  I have had some invites to do some I haven't done before and would like to run those. I'm not sure if the invitations actually still stand.  But, I'm always up for meeting up for people and trying a race.  Chicago Shamrock Shuffle 8k   is always fun and I'll be back again. Great large race.  Fun post party. From what I remember anyway.  I've always wanted to do the Soldier Field 10 Mile .  However, I was always just weeks back from a three week drinking vacation and never in any shape to do this.  This year I would like to be.  Chicago Rock n Roll Half Marathon has been moved (again) to July 22nd.  Not sure how I feel about a half in July in Chicago.  But... I've done the last three and it seems right to continue.   I'll probably bail on Chicago Hot Chocolate  this year.  I've got the kewl jacket.  Two actually now. The race seems just too crowded with walkers no matter what they do to keep this race flowing.  Maybe I'll do a winter one instead.  After all.... me running in snow?  Come on.  It just seems right. 

Then the biggie,Chicago Marathon. It's what I want.  More than anything.  Just once.  Pretty please.  I still don't know if a marathon is within my abilities.  But, I have to at least try. No, not try.  DO.

I also want to do some running with my ten year old niece.  She did her first triathlon last year Chicago Kid Triathlon with absolutely no running training.  I'd like to help her get her feet moving a bit.  If so, I think she has the ability to be a fantastic triathlete.  She's already a very strong swimmer (proud auntie). She just needs to work on the run and bike a bit.  I look forward to watching her do this really fun race once again.  I had such a blast cheering her on.  Who knew while I was barefoot hobbling all over that course in terrible pain that I was already one week into a stress fracture?  Huh. 

I have also been invited to crew for an ultra.  Or at least sit back and drink beers while they run. Or play in a lake.  Or maybe do my own long marathon training run that day.  Or sun myself in my bikini that I'll once again be wearing because I'll be running sick miles once again (for me anyway) and lose all this damn boot weight that's dragging me down mentally and physically. Or maybe actually crew.  Meh, doesn't matter.  I'll be there no matter what.  Doing whatever is needed of me.  But, having fun.  This I know for sure. 

I'll continue to nurture the loving friendships I have garnered with my running friends.  I feel a bit lost right now with some of them.  Some, thankfully, are stronger than ever.  Some have had their ebbs and flows.  I hope to have back any that I have lost and deepen those just in the budding stages. And, no matter what, appreciate every single person that helps little ole me along my little running (biking? swimming?) journey.

Do cartwheels.  Lots of cartwheels. 

Still in the boot.  Still can't run.  However, I did swim 1.5+ miles last night. It was surely a night I would have gone for a run.  A therapy run.  But, I couldn't.  So, I finally found a way to swim.  I needed it.  Badly.   It wasn't particularly pretty.  But, it's a start towards my goals.  I hope.

So, I work on me.  I keep forgetting about me. I keep promising it'll be about me.  But, it just never seems to be.  I always seem to get lost.  Even though I'm always there.  People seem to still forget about me.   So, 2012.  I will fly.  On the road.  In the water.  In me. For me. 

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free