GOAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday.  One of those ones you hope you never have again.  Ever. I'm trying to think how I can make the next day better. Or the next day.  Or maybe a day in two weeks.  So... I'm thinking forward.  Hoping.  Forward.

Last year as the New Year turned I had resolutions.  A bit bizarre perhaps.  But, something to work on.   Goals to obtain.  Get to getting on.  For me.  I was in full force at the start of the year.  But, unfortunately as life, and my injury, got in the way, so did my desire to work on me.  

I just wandered into 2012.  No, big excitement.  No energy for something to look forward to.  Nothing. It just came.  I was doing laundry. It came while I was doing laundry.     

In 2011 I ran 513 miles, rode 542 miles, and swam 21 miles.  Before my body sadly gave out on me.  Compared to some of you this is nothing.  But, for me it's the most I've done, well as an old fart anyway.   I hope I can get better and improve upon that, and me, in 2012.   And, please, oh please.... stay injury free.

I need to have something to get me moving.  Each day.  Mind, body, spirit.  Life.  I need goals.  At this point my only goal is to get to tomorrow.  I need more than that. I need to be more than that.  I need to get out of this fucking boot. I need someone to scream at me to move.  With my life. 

I could use this once in awhile. 

I really want to maybe see if I can get through a triathlon this year.  Not sure if that's in me.  But, I have the urge to see if I can.  After seeing the SheRox Naperville one last summer (and stalking Ashleigh ) I kind of got the urge.  But, perhaps do it as a relay as Sara (bike) , Lisa. (run), and I (swim) had discussed.  We might be a bit whacky in our thoughts.  But..... we think we could possibly place... and actually win it.  I know, we are crazy for thinking it.  But, wouldn't that be fun?  I could use a bit of being awesome.   Then perhaps a triathlon on my own?  Perhaps.

As far as running.  I have some spring races in mind.  Not sure what really.  I have had some invites to do some I haven't done before and would like to run those. I'm not sure if the invitations actually still stand.  But, I'm always up for meeting up for people and trying a race.  Chicago Shamrock Shuffle 8k   is always fun and I'll be back again. Great large race.  Fun post party. From what I remember anyway.  I've always wanted to do the Soldier Field 10 Mile .  However, I was always just weeks back from a three week drinking vacation and never in any shape to do this.  This year I would like to be.  Chicago Rock n Roll Half Marathon has been moved (again) to July 22nd.  Not sure how I feel about a half in July in Chicago.  But... I've done the last three and it seems right to continue.   I'll probably bail on Chicago Hot Chocolate  this year.  I've got the kewl jacket.  Two actually now. The race seems just too crowded with walkers no matter what they do to keep this race flowing.  Maybe I'll do a winter one instead.  After all.... me running in snow?  Come on.  It just seems right. 

Then the biggie,Chicago Marathon. It's what I want.  More than anything.  Just once.  Pretty please.  I still don't know if a marathon is within my abilities.  But, I have to at least try. No, not try.  DO.

I also want to do some running with my ten year old niece.  She did her first triathlon last year Chicago Kid Triathlon with absolutely no running training.  I'd like to help her get her feet moving a bit.  If so, I think she has the ability to be a fantastic triathlete.  She's already a very strong swimmer (proud auntie). She just needs to work on the run and bike a bit.  I look forward to watching her do this really fun race once again.  I had such a blast cheering her on.  Who knew while I was barefoot hobbling all over that course in terrible pain that I was already one week into a stress fracture?  Huh. 

I have also been invited to crew for an ultra.  Or at least sit back and drink beers while they run. Or play in a lake.  Or maybe do my own long marathon training run that day.  Or sun myself in my bikini that I'll once again be wearing because I'll be running sick miles once again (for me anyway) and lose all this damn boot weight that's dragging me down mentally and physically. Or maybe actually crew.  Meh, doesn't matter.  I'll be there no matter what.  Doing whatever is needed of me.  But, having fun.  This I know for sure. 

I'll continue to nurture the loving friendships I have garnered with my running friends.  I feel a bit lost right now with some of them.  Some, thankfully, are stronger than ever.  Some have had their ebbs and flows.  I hope to have back any that I have lost and deepen those just in the budding stages. And, no matter what, appreciate every single person that helps little ole me along my little running (biking? swimming?) journey.

Do cartwheels.  Lots of cartwheels. 

Still in the boot.  Still can't run.  However, I did swim 1.5+ miles last night. It was surely a night I would have gone for a run.  A therapy run.  But, I couldn't.  So, I finally found a way to swim.  I needed it.  Badly.   It wasn't particularly pretty.  But, it's a start towards my goals.  I hope.

So, I work on me.  I keep forgetting about me. I keep promising it'll be about me.  But, it just never seems to be.  I always seem to get lost.  Even though I'm always there.  People seem to still forget about me.   So, 2012.  I will fly.  On the road.  In the water.  In me. For me. 

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free

I, State Your Name... The Year in Review

January 1, 20111 I went for a run .  For the new year.  For my new year.  It was absolutely freezing.  As in bone-chilling cold.  But, I made a decision.  A decision that 2011 would not suck.  It would NOT suck like 2010 had.  A year when my grandma died.  The person who loved me most in this world.  What made my life.... stop.  Still. 

It stopped.  Sure.  But, it also gave me the ability to reflect on the fact that I would NOT let 2011 suck me in.  It would not win.  I would win.

So, mid morning, January 1, 2011.  I went for a run on my running trail.  And, I logged my very first workout on Daily Mile.  I was just recording it for me.  I had no friends there.  Had absolutely no intention of having friends there.  I just wanted a place to keep track of my runs.  To be accountable. To me.  

To not let 2011 beat me.  This year was going to be all about me.  Finally.  Not anybody else.  Just me.  I was going to be less selfless and more selfish.  I was going to say no more.  I was going to say yes to the adventurous spirit in me.  I was going to take risks.  I was going to step out of my box.  Skydive out of the box.  I was going to live.  My life. 

I had resolutions.  A little eclectic perhaps, but resolutions.  I was going to do my best to attack them too.  Because after all.... why be the person of old.  The person of 2011.  I was ready.  Ready for a new me.  A different me.  A better me.

Running was at the root of it all.  It would give me the mind, body, and spirit to be the me I wanted to be.  Needed to be.  Hoped to be.  

That New Year's day was so cold.  I remember one mile in I was convinced I might get frostbite.  The wind was just howling.  I literally could barely run as the headwinds were that strong.  But, I was NOT going to give up.  Give in.  On day one. No way.   By the end of the 5.5 mile run I was warm and shedding layers.  I finished my first run.  I felt awesome.  

I was going to do this. I was going to do 2012.  But, I was NOT going to do this alone.  You were coming with me.  I surely didn't know that when I started that cold January 1st run.  I had NO idea that I would have company.  So much company on the reinvention of me.

Blizzardpalooza

Somehow friends trickled in on Daily Mile.  One here.  One there.  People motivated me.  Made me laugh.  Suddenly I was texting people, talking to these people.  Becoming friends with these people.  How did this happen?    Who are YOU?  And why are YOU here? 

YOU met me for a little blizzard run along the Chicago lakefront.  YOU were nice.  YOU were fun.  YOU were inspiring.  YOU made me believe I could run a marathon.  YOU giggled at me when I ran four miles through truck tracks in the post twenty two inch snow Blizzardpalooza. 

I watched you run 100 miles.  Who are YOU?  And, why are you doing such crazy things?  I didn't know. I didn't know YOU.  But, I couldn't stop watching.  I was amazed.  

YOU stayed up with me until 2 am to register for the Chicago Marathon.  YOU started running with me on my runs.  YOU made me laugh. We talked about our fear of pooping during the marathon.  We talked about work.  We talked about our worries.  YOU talked with me about how we would do this race.  We ran. 

St. Maarten Greenhouse 10K

YOU made me run the  St. Maarten Greenhouse 10k.  After three weeks of sun and fun YOU told me it would be an easy 5K.  It turned out to be a brutal, hot 10K!  I hated YOU.  But, I also giggled at YOU when I received my age group medal.  First place baby!  

YOU ran The Chicago Shamrock Shuffle with me.  YOU hung out with me afterwards on a most glorious Chicago day and drank beers.  Lots and lots of beers.  YOU agreed we would continue to have college girls weekends revolve around a kewl race.  YOU texted me all day when I was with my girls.  YOU asked how the race was,  how the day was. 

Shamrock Shuffle

I watched YOU try for your first 100 mile race.  I stayed up all night worrying about you.  I talked with another YOU about how proud we were for what YOU did.  It may not have been 100, but it was a worthy accomplishment indeed.  I was proud of YOU. 

YOU started Chicago Marathon training with me.  YOU commiserated with me when I told you how I was dripping wet from a hot ass run.  YOU told me how it sucked too.  It was YOU I lifted my skirt up to show my disgusting raw meat thigh chaffing. It was YOU who screamed in horror.  


YOU ran again with me, or let ME run with YOU to Do Life along the Chicago lakefront again.  This time no blizzard.  Just sun, fun, and some really amazing people. 

It was you who came to Chicago to run the Chicago Rock n Roll Half Marathon with me.  It was YOU who held my hand as we crossed the finish.  It was YOU who was incredibly generous to me and my stranger friends, offering us an unbelievable weekend.  It was YOU who screamed out the window on the cab ride.  I watched YOU do a really incredible thing. I watched YOU impress me.   It was YOU who hung out on the balcony, looking at the gorgeous city skyline, talking about life, our lives.  It was YOU who cried with me, hugged me, laughed with me. It was YOU who made me grateful I had such dear old friends.  I was so grateful for finally meeting YOU in person.  It was YOU who stayed out way into the night with me, doing silly, stoopid things.  It was YOU who I didn't want to say goodbye to. 

YOU ran into me at the RnR medal engraving.  I could not stop talking to YOU.  We shared something.  We got each other.  YOU were me.  I was YOU.  YOU inspired me.  So much so I had to come cheer you on when you ran your half.  And reward you with a #DES gift. 

It was YOU I texted the night before I was to do my longest run ever, 15 miles.  It was YOU who texted me at 5:30 the next morning to tell me to get my run on.  YOU kept texting me all along the way to keep me going.  I texted YOU back when I struggled.  It was YOU I texted when I was done to celebrate my accomplishment.  It was YOU who made me feel proud. 

It was YOU who tweeted to me to stfu and get out there for my 18 mile run.  YOU who told me to stop chatting and start running.  It was because of YOU I tried.   I texted YOU three miles in crying because my body and mind were failing me.   YOU  told me to go home.  Try again.  YOU made me giggle for the next half hour until I felt better.  It was because of YOU I tried again. I ran another five miles.  It was YOU I tweeted a picture of my legs on a bench and said #epicfail  It was YOU who let me cry.  It was then YOU who told me to get up. Walk home.  Try again.

However, it was not to be.  I would not run again.  Really. 


YOU were injured too.  YOU and I spent time talking about our injuries.  About our sadness that we couldn't run. I watched you get YOUR run back on.  I watched you RUN.  Again.  I was happy for YOU. 

YOU  finally convinced me to go to the doctor.  It was YOU who talked to me during my appointment because I was nervous.  YOU were there for me when I had the bone scan.  The MRI.  It was YOU who told me to hang in there. YOU  told me to keep my chin up.


I still did cartwheels.  YOU did cartwheels. 

YOU sent me encouraging messages.  YOU told me that I would get better.  YOU made me feel better that I was NOT running.  YOU also told me to be strong.  

I saw YOU on Oprah.  I saw YOU on the cover of Runner's World.  YOU will be on a national commercial on New Year's Eve.  Seriously?  Who are YOU people?  And, how could you possibly me MY friends? 

YOU woke me up early in the mornings and chatted with me before work.  YOU made me giggle all day when I should have been working.  YOU stayed up late at night with me talking about life. YOU shared your struggles.  YOU listened to mine.  YOU told me your secrets.  I told YOU mine.  YOU encouraged me to blog.  YOU were my biggest cheerleader.

IRC - ti no trid emos bur

YOU sent me kewl stuff.  YOU played with me on Twitter.  YOU crept into my phone.  YOU made me #giggle when I didn't think the day would allow.  YOU made me feel good about myself when I didn't think I deserved it.  YOU made me feel worthy.  Of loving myself.  Of allowing others to love me.  YOU made me BELIEVE.  I am YOU and YOU are me. 


YOU got me out of my little box.  YOU made me see another side of me.  YOU scared the crap out of me sometimes.  But, YOU also made me laugh. 


YOU taught me to #DoEpicShit.  To rub some dirt on it. To Whooooo!!xBeatCancer 

YOU made me feel okay when I couldn't run The Chicago Marathon.  So, instead I watched YOU run.  I cheered YOU on.  I held my #DoEpicShit sign for YOU.  YOU screamed my name when you ran by.  YOU smiled at me.  YOU came back and gave me the most awesome schweddy hug.  I watched  YOU finish.  I cried tears for YOUR accomplishment.  I was proud of YOU. 

 
I watched YOU complete your first 100 mile race.  I stayed up all night cheering YOU from afar.   I updated WHOever I could so that they could come along for YOUR ride.  I paced the floor when things looked grim.  I jumped for joy when things looked promising.  I nearly lost my mind when YOU texted me after you finished.  I was so proud of YOU. So very proud of YOU.

YOU ran your first half marathon.  I was there at the start in spirit.  For YOU.  But, YOU wouldn't answer YOUR phone.  Because you are silly like that.  But, I was there for YOU.  I was proud of YOU.  I was running a little 5k that day too.  But, I was thinking about YOU.  Because, YOU, my dear, are amazing.  Inside and out.  

When life socked me in the gut out of the blue it was YOU who kept me calm when I vomited out of fear as I tried to ride my bike away.  From the pain.  YOU made sure I got home.  Not only in one piece. But, while holding my hand.  And, my heart. My soul.   

I read YOUR blog. YOUR words touched me. Hit me in the heart.  In the stomach. YOU made me think.  Cry. Be.  Better.  Stronger.  Wiser.  

Without running it was YOU who kept me sane.  It was YOU who talked to me more. It was YOU I listened to when things got bad.  It was YOU I celebrated when things got better.  It was YOU who let me lean on your shoulder. It was my shoulder that let YOU lean back.  

And, somehow, I made it to the finish line of 2011.  I may not be running over it.  It's certainly is more of a hobble.  But, over the finish line I still go.  

However, there is no way I would get anywhere close to the finish line if it weren't for the amazing people in my life who I met this year.  People a year ago I didn't know existed.  People who I cannot even imagine not in my life. They are the air I breathe.  

My year started off with a bang.  My running was on fire.  I felt amazing.  My life was kind of fun and exciting.  I was meeting some really amazing new people who enriched my every day.  It was all good.  Great in fact.  Then, I couldn't run.  And, the awesomeness of 2011 faded away quickly.  I no longer felt good.  I no longer felt like me.  The new me anyway.  I was drifting back into the awfulness of 2010.  And, the years before.  But, each time I started to fall back, a friend would pick me up.  Lift me up.  

YOU became my closest friend.  YOU became more than a friend. YOU were there when I needed someone.  I was there when you needed someone.  YOU made me worry.  YOU made me care. YOU gave me someone to cheer for.  YOU cheered for me. YOU made me laugh.  YOU made me giggle.  YOU cared about me.  I cared deeply about YOU.  YOU made me believe.  In myself. 

YOU made my year.  YOU.  

Yes.  YOU.


Who will YOU be to me for 2012?  I cannot wait to find out. 

* I love the fact that in many of these YOU's it can refer to SO many people.  Each one thinking it's them.  And, they are all correct.  Yes, YOU are. :D