Fuck the Boot 5k

Five months injured.

Three runs in that time.  One because I needed to see if I was still injured.  I was.  Another because I just had to.  It was extremely painful.  Another, because the doctor ordered.  It wasn't healed yet.

So, today.  The day I've been looking forward to since I got booted 2 months ago.  The day my doctor told me to take the leg out for a test drive.

I got up early and took a walk around the block.  It was cold out in Chicago. Really cold actually.  I was thrilled.  I was feeling okay.  Well, other than feeling the 3 glasses of glug and 3 glasses of wine I downed last night.  Other than that, I was good.  I was excited.  I was ready.

My running partner on this run, however, was not.  She fell back asleep as I was stretching out.  I could not wake Lee up.  She needed the sleep.  We stayed up pretty late last night.  Lee is just another one of my amazing friends that I don't know how I got so very lucky to find.  We went to graduate school together, somehow lost touch for 15 years and thankfully reconnected a few years ago.  She's a great friend.   We just get each other.  We can talk for hours about life. Our life.  What was.  What is to be.  We did last night.   She always has wise words for me.  I listen. I appreciate.  I am thankful.  For her.

Honestly, when it comes to friends, I really believe I won the friendship lottery.  I believe I have the most amazing friends ever.  Such giving, kind, thoughtful, and loving people.  I'm so damn lucky. For real.

I couldn't wake Lee.  I let her sleep.  While I lounged on the floor, fully dressed to run, I chatted with another dear friend on Twitter. Again, about life.

It started to snow.  Nice puffy snowflakes.  Ahhh, the running Gods were smiling down upon me.  Inviting me.  To run. I could barely contain myself.

We had planned to head out on our run at 9 am. Just before 11 am, Lee woke up.  Screaming.  For me.  She freaked that I had gone running without her.  I did not.  I would not.  We laughed.  Then we got ready to get our run on.

I was debating between shorts and tights.  It was cold.  15F or colder with windchill at about 1F.  I wanted to wear shorts.  But, I kept questioning myself.   Silly me.  I finally put them on and we headed out the door.

It was cold.  Really cold.  I was happy.  Really happy.

Lee was so cold she started on her run without me.  I said I would catch up.  I was still gathering myself together.

Was I ready?  For this?  

Yes. 

Just as I was about to press start on my Garmin, up comes Claire and a friend.  Are you friggin' kidding me?  Seriously? Super awesome Claire was 14 miles into her 18 mile NOLA Marathon training run.  We did a few Wheeeeeee!!!!!!'s Jumped around a little.  Talk about  fate .  Wow, it was meant to be for Claire to be the  starting gun for my run.  She gave me oooodles of energy to head out and kill this thing.

I started my run.  I felt good.  My UBHA (Under Bitch Hammie Ass - sciatic crap) hurt.  A lot.  Two weeks ago I tweaked it.  It's been bad since.  But, I could push through it.  The shin felt, well, okay.  Last time I ran over two months ago I had lots of shin pain.  Still.  I didn't feel anything really today.  Maybe just some weakness. In my entire leg.  But, no shin pain.  

I ran south on the lakefront path towards downtown Chicago.  It was beautiful.  The sun was shining through the clouds as if shining on the city.  And, me. 

I went to the half way point.  I waited for Lee.  We chatted for a minute or two, a "run mutthafuckers!" cheer, high five, and we were off back towards the finish.  I was still feeling good.  Actually, pretty darn good.  While I was still going slow and steady.  I did pick up the pace just a wee bit.  But, not too much.  I knew better.  Kind of.  I hit 3.1 and went just a little further.  Just because.  I really felt like I could have gone five miles.  Easily.  But, I knew better.  Kind of.

It was a great run.  It felt awesome.  To be running again.  I think I had a huge smile on my face the entire time.  Of course it also could have been all the runners passing by me who were giggling at me or telling me that I was insane for running in shorts.  Nope.  Not insane.  Just an idiot. 

I felt free again.  

2012 has been a bit shaky to start.  

Today I begin it again.  

Happy New Year to me. 

Fuck yeah. 

We get up early just to start cranking the generator

Our limbs have been asleep we need to get the blood back in 'em

We're finding every day several ways that we could be friends

Wait 'til next year......

I have SO much to say about the #CM11 Chicago Marathon.  I don't know where to even begin.  I suggest you grab a cold one.  Or some coffee.  A blanket.  Some energy gel.  Perhaps a banana. You might even want compression socks. This is clearly the longest race report for someone who didn't even run the damn race. 

This was to be my race.  MY marathon.  The one I do.  The one that makes me a marathoner. We all know my tired story by now.  I tried.  My brain quit.  I got injured.   I did not run.

This was my girls weekend.  College friends getting together at least once a year.  Used to be football games.  Then weddings.  Then just random places to go have fun.  In the last year or two these have turned into race weekends.  Funny how that happened since almost all of us never really ran.  Some of us met up for Chicago Shamrock Shuffle this spring.  We enjoyed a nice (but hot) race and had a fun time afterwards.  At this point some of us had already signed up to run the Chicago Marathon. Three of us and another's husband were planning on running.  As it turned out, three of the four of us had to drop out.  Injuries, conflicts, and just general lack of feeling ready were some of our reasons. So, sadly, this left one lone runner, Celeste, to our marathon.  Thankfully, this was her 10th marathon, so old hat for her.

Friday night we drank wine, caught up, drank some more wine, made race signs, and drank some more wine. 'Twas fun.  However, too much as one person was unable to get out of bed the next morning  So, we found it necessary to make yet another sign. 

On Saturday we headed to the Expo.  I was really worried that being here would make me cry.  I figured as soon as I got my bib I would lose it.  Oddly enough, I did not.  Instead I was kind of excited.  There were THOUSANDS of runners here.  You could feel the excitement.  It made me feel good.  If I were running I would feel scared.  This I know for sure.  I just missed seeing Ray here.  He tweeted that he was leaving Expo just as we were getting on the shuttle to leave as well.  I missed him. One of many missed meetings with him all weekend. 

Runners entering corral

Up early Sunday.  Walked with Celeste over to the race start to make sure she got to where she needed to ok.  It was kind of a mess as runners were very unclear where they could get in to their corral.  Lots of runners hustling to the start after attempting to enter in areas nowhere near where they needed to be.  I had planned on going all the way to the start area.  No, I was not running.  However, I did still have my bib.  So, I could get in the runner area.  However, it was so crazy there I decided to say goodbye to her before she entered the "if you aint running get out" area.  We would see her again in 26.2.  

runners head to the start by the Modern Wing of the Art Institute

45,000 runners start

Met up with the rest of the girls on the spectator side of the start.  Watching this start was beautiful.  A sea of runners, flowing like calm ocean waves......gently bobbing up and down as it  streamed by us.  The race started.  It. was. on. For as far as you could see in either direction all you could see were runners. Beautiful, strong, amazing...... runners.  It was spectacular. 

We had plans.  Plans to be uber spectators.  A little marathon got in the way.  We were able to jump right into a cab and get to the second stop for our day.  We had planned on just past mile 8.  However, my friend Lee, who was saving us a spot there, was stuck in a crowd.  It was crowded.  The runners were already running by in a steady stream.  We didn't want to fight our way to the spot.  We found a wide open spot about 1/2 mile away on Addison. I was worried all the people I gave my planned location to would not find me. I panicked a little. But, I hunkered down.  Pulled out my Do Epic Shit sign. This is when the fun really began.  The second that sign hit the air it started.  The smiles.  The laughs. The hooting.  The hollering. The "right-on" finger pointing to me.  The high fives.  The shouts of "Do Epic Shit!!!! WHOOOOOO!" All of this..... from the runners.   It. was. amazing.   Several yelled Una Runnnnnnner! or "Do you know Logan?"  It was great! 

I cannot tell you how awesome it is to have racers look at YOU and smile.  Most runners usually don't smile when racing.  They are focused.  Or tired.  Or struggling. But, when they passed me, the lips slowly turned upwards.  They got a glint in their eyes.  It was amazing.  To have that affect.  Some were extremely boisterous when passing me.  Yelling back at me.  Others, quietly smiled a modest smile.  I could only sense what their brain was really thinking.  Made me giggle.  

I was tracking quite a few runners.  Sadly, Ryan was just TOO fast and I never was able to get to my location before he passed.   Runner tracking always informed me he was already past my next location before I even left the current one.  I cheered him on from afar.  Thankfully, runner tracking let me know when people were past 10k.  I knew to judge their arrival time at my location.  It was great.  In the meantime I made many new friends with strangers passing me by.  I'm a little loud when I cheer.  I tend to make noise.  I scream.  I whistle.  I Whooooooo!!!! Loudly.  The runners heard me.  For sure. :D  I started to lose my voice.  And, I was only one hour into the race. 

So, one by one people I knew came by.  Thankfully, they all saw ME and came by ME and shouted!  Tom, Brian (Brian DM), Celeste, Casey,  Becky .  ALL of them stopping and shouting out to me!  I shouted back... even louder GOOOOOOO!   I was waiting around for Ray (Ray DM ) who obviously started further back in the corrals.  I waited as long as I could.  My friends waiting to get to the next spot to meet Celeste.  I finally had to leave my spot.  I'm positive Ray went by right after I left.  


When Lisa S.  came by she yelled hi and ran away.  Went a couple of feet. Came back.  Hugged me and said, "I need this.  This was SO what I needed.  Thanks. "  And, she was off.  I was tickled beyond belief that I saw her.  Lisa and I signed up together.  We sat on our computers until 1:30 am on that February night trying to get in.  We started training together.  We went on some hilariously funny runs together.  We were on different paths.  But, the same journey.  We both started to fail mentally at the same time.  Before we could pick each other up, I got injured.  I was out. Lisa was on her own.  Well, not on her own really.  I was with her.  Just not running next to her anymore.  She felt awful that I was not running.  We cried a lot over it.  She empathized with my sadness.  It helped.  But, I was not going to let her quit.  I was there for her on her long runs when she wanted to give up.  And, here she was.... running past me.  Running the Chicago Marathon.  I was SO happy. 

Next our plan was to head to Mile 15 to give Celeste the Gu we promised.  We had to PROMISE we would be there.  We did.  We weren't.  Our cab driver was clueless that the marathon was taking place.  Uhhhh, wtf!  We were trying to tell him the best ways to avoid closed roads and time after time he kept turning right into the race.  It was SO frustrating.  I was freaking out in the back seat.  I don't like to let friends down.  We were letting  Celeste down.  We decided mile 15 was out.  We started to try for 16.  Then that became out of the question.  17?  Nope, not that either.  We took a chance on 18.  We got there.  Flew out of the cab.  Ran to the side of the race in a nice spot.  Started cheering immediately.  We were back in business.  I started seeing some familiar faces from the first stop.  They started seeing me again.  I got lots of "it's YOU again!"  "I'm still doing epic shit"  "I'm not feeling very epic anymore". Several pointed out to their running partners, "There she is again"  Within a very short 4-5 minutes I spotted her.  Coming around the corner.  Celeste.  Oh. My. God.  We made it.  Late.  But, we made it.  I hollered out to the other girls.  Gu out.  We were ready.  Whooooooo Celeste!!!!!!! Apologies all around.  She didn't seem to care.  She got her Gu.  She got our faces.  She was off again. Kicking ass.   The girls and I looked at each other.  Eyes wide.  Phew, that was VERY close.  Our next plan was catching her at the finish.

One of my favorite parts of the race was at mile 18.  This little boy, about 3 just stood on the side of the road, more inside the race than by the spectators.  He just stood there.  With his arm outstretched.  Awaiting some high-fives.  I loved watching the runners turn the corner, see this little doode, smile, high five and run on.  It was so cute! 

Runners looked a lot different at mile 18 than at 7.5 (duh).  They were obviously hot.  They all were parched.  People were definitely starting to struggle. People were starting to cramp.  It was a bit hard to watch.  I was hot.  I was only standing there screaming, holding a sign.  I was behind them all the way.  I wanted them all to do well.  By the way, holding the sign did turn out to be more difficult than I imagined.  My arms started to hurt.  My shoulders were really sore.  My hands actually fell asleep and I was finding it very hard to hold the sign.  But, one look at these runners.... really, Andrea?  Suck it up cupcake. Hold the friggin' sign.  Scream your ass off.  In fact I was screaming so loud that one doode came around the corner ran right up to me and said, "Just so you know, I could hear you all around the corner.  Thanks!".  <smile>

Lisa N.  had a few people she was following.  So, we stuck around to see if we could catch them.  She saw some at 7.5.  But, based on tracking we might be able to catch another here.  We cheered.  More familiar faces.  More smiles.  This time I got some thank you's.  More high fives. Lots more high fives.  A couple of ass pats (thank you!) from doodes saying, "I saw you the first time, this is great", "I needed this", etc.  I even got some hugs.  Most half hugs.  But, I got a huge full on one.  Tom came by again. I cheered.  He went on a few feet.  Came back.  Gave me a huge ass schweddy hug.  It was awesome. Thanks pumpkin!  Brian was next.  He was looking a bit warm as well.  But, soldiering on.  Imagine my surprise when a smiling Ashleigh came flying by.  She had a, uh-hum, timing chip problem so her tracks never came through for me to find her.  I was SOOO happy to see her.  She looked great!.   I didn't see any other Daily Milers here.  But, Lisa did see one of her runners.  So, off we went to try to get Celeste for her finish.

We started walking a straight line toward the lake front and the finish line.  We were looking for a cab, but finally realized this was not going to happen.  So, we walked the few miles.  Because of this, sadly,  we did not see Celeste cross. I think we were standing on a bridge over the expressway when the text came in.  Whoo-Hoo Celeste finished.  And, finished strong I might add.  Not a PR.  But, placed her  5711/35660 overall.    1158/15419 for women  166/2161  in her age group.  Not too shabby.  SO proud of her.  Later that day she told us she was retiring from marathons.  She was done with them.  Huh. 

When we neared the finish I saw the final push towards the end.  Chicago races have a cruel way of adding in this bridge to many of their races finishes.  It is a killer.  I cannot even imagine it after 25. 5 miles. Julie and Lisa headed to meet up with Celeste. I stayed back to try to catch Lisa S. finish.  In addition, I love watching the finish.  Love watching people make that final push to the end.  Seeing their faces.  Knowing that they DID this.  It gets me every time.  I saw dads pick up their kids and run with them in their arms.  I saw teens jump the fence and sprint in with their moms.  I saw race officials practically drag a few people over the line.  But, finish they did.  I saw many couples grab hands, run together, finish a dream.  Many were taking pictures.  Of US. The crowd.  It was great. 

Lisa in blue, black shorts

I kept looking down the street.  Hoping to see Lisa.  She wasn't there yet.  Then, there came Lisa.  I saw her all the way down the street.  She was running right along the fence where I stood.  I screamed her name.  She looked.  She blew me a kiss. I started to cry.  I screamed some more.  I watched her cross the line.  I couldn't have been prouder of her.  She did it.  Hot damn.  She did it.  PR'd her last Chicago Marathon of a few years ago by one hour.  Yes, she had a faster goal in mind.  But, in these conditions, a PR is a fantastic achievement in my eyes.  Hell, finishing is an achievement!


I stuck around to watch other DM'ers make it in.  I saw Tom.  I saw Brian. Becky came flying right by me, smile on her face.  The girls were waiting for me.  I had to leave.  But, I was still waiting for Ray.  I had missed him ALL weekend.  I couldn't leave.  I started to leave about five times.  Each time convinced he was right around the corner, I stayed.  Finally after getting yet another text from the girls I had to leave.  I walked away. Reluctantly. I walked out of the bleacher area.  Walked about 2 minutes.  Ping!  In came a text.  Ray King had finished.  And, I missed it.  Oh, Ray, I tried SO very hard.  I'm sorry.  I know Chinatown was not kind to you.  I'm SO proud you soldiered on.  You, my friend, are a marathoner.  Be proud. 


I am SO thankful I saw all the people I did.  I am so very proud of you all.  Of what you accomplished.  I know some of you are not happy with your time.  But, under those heat conditions you should be thrilled.  It was NOT easy. 


I had SO much fun holding that sign. Claire,  (Claire DM) also had her Do Epic Shit tee on.  She reported feeling the same mad love making people smile.  So many people came up to me and took my picture.  One racer took it and posted it to Facebook while standing in front of me!  ha! Lisa and Julie teased me that I should have written my phone number on the sign because they have never seen that many hot guys.... talking to me no less!  Duly noted for next time! Runnrgrrl saw me twice and screamed DO EPIC SHIT!!!!!!!  both times she passed me. Many runners told me at 18 that I had the best sign on the course.  Wheeeeee!!!!  I can't even describe the joy I felt making the runners feel good.  It was such a good feeling. I wish you all could feel what I felt.  It was a complete honor to cheer them on.   So many runners have told me since that I was the highlight of their race.  Man, how cool is that?  But, seriously, runners,  YOU, were the ones who made my day.  Thank you. 


I thought I would be sad this weekend.  I was not.  I was SO happy.  However, when I awoke on Monday I felt a bit different.  I was sore.  My shoulders were sore.  My shin hurt.  A lot.  We did a lot of walking over the weekend.  It hurt then.  It hurt more on Monday.  It made me worry.  That I may never run again.  Celeste was in better shape than me for crying out loud!  But, also, the fact that I didn't run finally hit me.  I got a message from Lisa S early in the morning.  She told me that I was the first face she saw in the race and the last face she saw before finishing.  It made me cry. It made me happy. But, it made me cry.  For the first time it hit me that I didn't experience the race.  As a runner.  I didn't see this coming, but it came.  A few hours later our friend living in France called to find out about the race.  She talked to me about me not running.  She was giving me a little pep talk about how proud she was of me.  How I had transformed myself into a new person. How I would run that marathon one day.   I cried again.  Not sure why.  I think partially because I knew she was right.  And, partially because I knew this journey of mine, halted for a minor mental meltdown and a major injury shutdown, was not yet over.  


The girls started to get ready to leave each other.  As she turned to get into the car to leave, the now marathon retired Celeste turned to me and said, "If you run Chicago next year I'll run again."  :D


So, there it is.  2012 Chicago Marathon.  I will be waiting for you.  Will you be waiting for me? 

My Father's Daughter

Sometimes life is going to hit you in the head with a brick. 
Don't lose faith. 

~Steve Jobs

My day today began with a radioactive breakfast.  I headed to the hospital for the bone scan on my shin.  To finally figure out what's wrong with me.  Why I am in pain.  Why I cannot run.  Sadly I am very familiar with this hospital as I spent many hours here in the recent years with my dad and grandma.  I haven't been in the hospital for me since I fell out of a tree when I was 7 years old.   I watched in the monitor as the radioactive crap flowed through my body.  It was actually pretty cool. As it hit my shin, it lit up like a Christmas tree.  Yeah, there's something, something going on there for sure.   

For some reason  after my tests were over I couldn't leave the hospital. Every time I had been here before I couldn't wait to leave. Many times I was leaving with a knot in my stomach.  Another doctor's appointment where my dad received bad news once again.   Another emergency visit where we thought is this the end? But, today, I needed to pause.  Reflect. I walked outside to a garden area and sat on a bench.  On another bench sat an elderly man.  Alone.  Visibly upset.  It broke my heart. I knew what this man was feeling.  I was there once. 

After my tests I decided to head out for a long bike ride in honor of my dad today. It was a gorgeous day.  Warm, sunny, clear blue skies.  A day my dad would have loved.  He was a private pilot.  Along the trail I pass a private airstrip in a local subdivision.  A private plane landed over me as I rode. Today would have been a perfect flying day.  A day when I was a kid where he would wake me up out of bed and say, "Wake up, Andrea.  We are flying to Wisconsin for breakfast."  <Love>  

Riding my bike today I remembered a funny story about my dad.  When I was home from college for a break we were heading to my sister's for some family function.  Just before we were ready to leave my dad announces that he will be riding his bike there.  Huh?  Um, what?  She lived 10 miles away. I couldn't remember the last time my dad was on a bike.  He wasn't someone who worked out.  He was overweight. But, at the same time he would jump in at any opportunity to do something athletic if challenged or asked. Or, maybe if he just felt like it.  A very, "What the hell.  Why not?" attitude. He was the guy in the belly flop contest, just because.  The parent who jumped in the parent relay at the swim meet and killed his leg. And, apparently he was the guy who without any recent working out decides to throw his 250lb body on a bike.  We were praying for those tires I tell ya! Dad made it to my sisters.  A little out of breath.  But, he did it.  I was quite proud of him.

Dad was a Chicago guy.  A tough guy.  He took risks.  Did fun things.  Did things just for the hell of it. He made his own wine.  (My sister and I stomped the grapes!) He played Santa in my pre-school.  He cooked a mean steak. He tended a killer garden. He swam with sharks. He flew a plane.  

I was not my dad.  At least I didn't think so.  I'm a girlie girl.  I like to wear 4 inch heels and short skirts.  My dad kind of got screwed out of having a little doode.  But, not really.  I was also a great tomboy too.  Yes, I was a ballerina, a figure skater, a cheerleader.  But, I also fished, climbed trees, played in the dirt, camped, raced the boys.  He pulled me in a pick up truck on a frozen lake with me on a sled behind yelling "faster daddy!  faster daddy!"  Yup, faster he went.  He threw me in the air across the pool as I screamed, "throw me higher!".  He snuck me in a casino at age 14.  And, he couldn't be prouder that I got in. Ha! 

When I said I wanted to live in St. Maarten with college friends the summer after my freshman year my mom suspected what the summer would be like and quickly said, "I don't think so"  Dad also suspected what the summer would be like and said, "sure".  I went.  When I asked if I could study abroad the next summer mom wasn't too keen on it.  Dad said he thought it sounded interesting and they would figure out a way they could afford it.  I went. When I told them I was planning on moving to Korea after college for a few months my mother said "No way".  My dad asked questions. More questions.  Then wished me well.  Off I went. 

I think dad would have been tickled with my little running journey.  He, sadly, never saw me start this silly ride.  But, I suspect he would have thought it was pretty cool.  While very supportive of my swimming while growing up, he was not really a fan of attending my meets.  I get that.  Swim meets are pretty boring.  But, he was there when it mattered;  State meets, U.S. National meets.   He never pressured me to do well.  Always made me feel it was ok no matter what. Mom doesn't get my running.  She has no clue what I'm doing. She can't understand why.  I'm pretty sure if I would have told him I was planning on running a marathon that he would say, "do it.".  And, I'm VERY sure he would come watch. 

I kind of liken me deciding to run a marathon to him jumping on a bike for a random 10 mile ride.  What the hell. Why not? 

Today is my dad's birthday.  Cancer ripped him from me 9 1/2 years ago.   He never thought he would die. No matter how bad it got, he just never gave up.  There had to be another option.  Another way.  Something.   He was NOT GOING TO DIE.  Cancer ravaged his brain.  Cancer sucked the breath out of his lungs. Cancer weakened his muscles.  Cancer eventually took his leg.  But, Cancer never took his will to live. Ever. 

On the day he died I suspected this was it.  He, however, did not.  Eventually, though,  the breathing became too difficult for him.  So, me, his little baby girl, gave him morphine shots throughout the night to help ease the suffering. I would let him go.   It was time. But, I would not let him go in pain.  My mom and sister fell asleep on the floor beside his bed.  I sat next to him, holding his hand.  Telling him it was ok. It was ok to go.   With his favorite music, Meatloaf's "Paradise By the Dashboard Light" playing in the background, he finally was ready to finish the race.   And, then, he was gone. 

There were days in my marathon training where I just couldn't go on. Where mentally I was spent. Where physically I couldn't take another step.  I look back at that now and think how weak I was.  My dad never gave up.  Ever.  Shame on me for quitting.  For letting my mind tell me I could not go on.  For not getting up for those early runs, and instead sleeping in.  Because I was scared.   I bet my dad was scared. Hell yeah. Cancer is a hell of a lot scarier than a marathon.  26.2 miles versus Cancer?  No contest.  

I hope my dad is proud of me for my effort to run the marathon.   I surely gave it everything I had for as long as I could, both mentally and physically. I was mentally at the end of my rope when my body finally gave out. Dad wasn't the most demonstrative guy with love.  However, as he was near the end there  he did tell me how very proud he was of me.  For taking care of him.  For being there for him. For helping him fight.   For loving him. 

I will run that marathon one day.  I will not quit.  I will fight.  Because my dad never quit.  He fought his marathon to the finish. 

 First,  I need to add a song to my marathon training running mix......

Fight on. LiveStrong.  Run on.

Suck it Cancer.