Have You Seen My Ghost?

I forget about days like today.  That I can have days like today.  I know they are out there.  But, I forget sometimes. 

Per usual, I stayed up way too late last night.  Woke up way too early this morning.  Chatted up some friends.  Fell back asleep.  Mid chat.  Woke up.  Had some giggles.  Enjoyed my day off.

The sun was shining.  Would have been a perfect day for an outdoor swim.  If only my pool was still open.  If only. 

Ah, but, I enjoyed the sun nonetheless. Then  I got an SOS call from someone needing me.  Just as I was walking out the door to pick up my bike from the bike shop.  For once, I didn't drop my life for someone else.  It was only my silly bike.  But, it's ME.  My life.  Dammit, I matter too.  

Today I felt strong.  Mind, body, and spirit strong.  This doesn't happen often.  My body has been broken so long.  That has affected my spirit.  But, today, today the stars aligned.  Yes, I hurt.  Yes, I'm still broken.  But, I saw parts of me that I forgot I had.  My smile.  My strength.  

I felt alive at Power Yoga.  I hadn't felt that in a very long time.  I used to rock those classes.  Hold the poses the longest.  Push myself the furthest.  Improve with every class.  For the last year these classes have been more a struggle with my injuries, with my fears of breaking.  Of hurting.  Trust me, many a class I was in severe pain.  But, I tried anyway.  Tonight I had my usual sciatic pain.  But, it didn't bother me.  My mind won out.  The rest of my body won out.  I won. 

I forget that sometimes I can be strong.  I've accepted for over a year that I'm weak.  That my body is weak.    It made me, oh, so happy to feel strong.  If only for one day.  Oh, but, wait, maybe not for only one day.  I can rock a four mile swim after all.  

Some days I wonder where my body went.  Other days I see the ghost of yesteryear.  

Boo!